She’s very pretty, congratulations.

You’re preparing for perhaps the best day of your life. You’re surrounded by the people you love, the people who matter to you. In just a few hours you’ll be standing at the end of the aisle as you await the arrival of the most beautiful woman you’ve ever laid your eyes on. This is the beginning of forever for you.

I, on the other hand, am in my jammies, listening to Adele, and writing this piece. This morning, when I went for a jog, I stepped on dog poop. An hour ago I burnt my toast, and currently I’m eating ramen for lunch.

And it’s raining outside, because the universe wants me to savor this gut-wrenching feeling of not being the one to marry you.

I still love you, I never stopped loving you. There is not a single day that I’ve not thought of you. And it’s been four years since we parted ways.

None of that, however, will change the fact that you’ve moved on with your life and you’ve found someone new, and as much as I hate to admit it, I am genuinely happy for you, and I’d like to thank you for our memories together. I’ll cherish them forever.

You’re marrying someone else, someone who did a better job at being a girlfriend than I did. Someone who didn’t lie to you. Someone who didn’t break your heart. Someone who didn’t cheat on you.

But allow me first, before anything else, to thank you — for never lying to me, for not breaking my heart, and for never even entertaining the idea of sleeping with someone else, even if it was very obvious that that was exactly what I was doing.

Thank you for always being there for me, even if I was barely there for you. Thank you for picking me up every 2 a.m. when I was too drunk to drive myself to our apartment.

Thank you for being calm during the times I lashed out at you, and when I threw away the bracelet you gifted me on our first anniversary — it was worth a hundred bucks, you saved months for it from your job as a cashier —  when you started asking about the other guy.

Thank you for not making a scene when you left me. Thank you for letting me keep the stuff you gave me over the course of our relationship.

And thank you for not forgiving me. I’m sure as hell I would’ve done it all over again if you had. Thank you for not giving me another chance to hurt you, to break the already-shattered remains of your heart, and for allowing yourself to move forward to better things.

I was the worst girlfriend in the world, but I’m glad that soon after we broke up you found the best. She’s perfect. She’s ten times the person I am, and you’re really lucky to have her — but she’s luckier to have you.

I’m really proud of what you’ve achieved in the years after we broke up: you lost weight, you got yourself your dream job, you’ve finally visited Japan, and you met the only person who can unconditionally care for the good guy in you that I so carelessly took for granted.

You’re still as handsome as when we were together. You’re still rocking those dimples that I find really cute. You’re still goofy and awkward and funny, and I miss all of that so much that it hurts. But it’s time for someone else to enjoy being with you.

I’m still in love with you, but perhaps it’s time to move on now from what I used to have to what I can have if I get my act together. I’d like to think I’m less horrible now than when we were together, although I do admit I’m still learning the ropes of being a better person. But I’m trying my hardest, and I know I’ll get there eventually.

You will never, ever be my boyfriend again, and I’m totally fine with that. Congratulations on your wedding. I’m so happy for you, and I wish you all the best in the world.

Hopefully, in the near future, I find someone who will consider himself lucky to have me. And hopefully, this time, I actually treat him right.